Talking Karma and Buddhism

Back from two weeks in Grand Junction, Colorado. It was good to bond with my dad out there - working with him so closely was an opportunity to see how much I inherit from him in outlook. It's reassuring to see that someone else in the family has to work hard to be organized.

One month until India, as well. On the 31st I get my paycheque from my trip - and it'll be time to outfit and drink and such (until then I'm living off of credit too.. no good...). I'm going to buy a good camera, for starters, even though I don't know very much about photography. Thinking a DSLR.

Two albums on my playlist lately where every song is load-supporting:
- Apologies to the Queen Mary (Wolf Parade)
- Underwater Cinematographer (The Most Serene Republic)

Talking with people, I hear two types of explanations of karma. They are either:

1. Supernaturally overwhelming - e.g. the universe jumps in and rewards good-doers and punishes evil-doers.
2. Rather underwhelming - e.g. karma = cause and effect.

I'm uncomfortable admitting supernatural explanations to things, so I always assumed Buddhism was talking about the latter case, and downplayed the word when it came up in conversations with others, thinking they were hoping Buddhism had supernatural elements.

In fact, this sidetracks to another question: how do I explain Buddhism to people (and most of all, to myself?) First, I find that most people have alot of respect for Buddhism, and that rocks. I think people get exposed to notions of enlightenment, the peaceful Buddhist demeanour and the idea of karma and are enthusiastic about these. When I'm prompted to explain further about Buddhism, I find I can take one of two tacts. First, I can start at the beginning and explain that the core of Buddhism is that life is suffering, and suffering is caused by desire - ergo use meditation to free oneself from desire. But it sounds dishearteningly nihilistic, true as it might be, and I just don't have the deep understanding to make that sound positive. So instead I'm tempted to dive into mystical expositions of Buddhism, talking about reality itself and how many Buddhists (in particular, Zen Buddhists) believe that mind-matter dualism prevents seeing the world as it really is, and also is the single cause of suffering. It's hard to reconcile the doctrinal core of Buddhism with its flailing mystical arms, and I think one of my challenges as a Buddhist is to bridge this gap through actual practice.

Returning to the original topic of karma, I've changed my thinking a little bit about it. I was given a book of Indian stories for Christmas, and the first subset I've gotten through is a series of tales told to a wise ancient king by a vampire. The vampire will tell a short story, and ask the king a riddle about it. For example, to summarize...

A wealthy brahminess is pursued by three suitors, but she suddenly dies. The first suitor wanders and finds a spell with which to ressurect her. The second went to deposit her bones in the Ganges and obtain the blessing of its waters. The third stayed on the site of her funeral pyre and performed austerities at her graveside. When she is brought back to life, the vampire riddles, to which suitor does the woman belong to as wife?

The king answers, "The one who brought her to life with his magic spell after considerable efforts is her father rather than her husband, for the part he took was a father's part. The one who committed her bones to the Ganges may pass as her son. But the third one who mortified himself on the burning ground out of his love for her and slept on her ashes - he, I say, is truly her husband."

Without defining karma directly, I suggest this: the King is a true knower of karma. Karma is about cause and effect, yes, but not of physical things. It is a knowledge borne of the wise and not necessarily the intelligent.

on serenity and renewal

I'm a grinner, and there are many kinds of grins that plaster my face. There is an "I caught you" grin. A sheepish grin. A teasing grin. A jaw-clenching, holding my words back grin. Many kinds of grins, yes.

The grin of this autumn, though, has been a grin of awe. When I grin like this, my eyes drop to the floor, and then up to the sky, and a choked, but not forced laugh parts from my lips. Usually it is solitary, and I clasp my hands together - and that should be the clearest sign to you, my friend, that my grin is not a grin so much as it is a prayer. I couldn't even tell you what I'm in awe of, or who I'm praying to. If meditation is a silent, empty exercise - perhaps prayer is its counterpart, a filling up.

On the "glass half empty" side, it's correct to say I was burnt-out this semester. I tuned out of Quantum Mechanics as soon as the professor referred to the field's philosophical questions as uninteresting and pointless for our study. On the "glass half full" side, however, I was constantly thinking this semester, and maybe thinking a bit too much to be usefully partaking in university life. I got exposed to alot of ideas, digested them, made some serious value shifts which I think were noticeable.

I suspect that people new to my life, however close, only know of my spiritual life at best in passing... especially since I'm not inclined to talk about it in person. It is my center, though, and I don't mind taking a shot at writing about it. One example in point. If I had stayed Catholic through high school, I probably would have become a Jesuit monk or something. Even though I can't fully identify anymore with this strange theism, I feel like learned alot from it, and that if I had different experiences I would probably still follow it. People like Meister Eckhart, or Saint Teresa have been teachers from the different past for me. I could even foresee myself, as Kerouac described, becoming a "crazy, solitary Catholic mystic" when I'm an old man. You never know.

For now, though, I have Eastern leanings, and in particular I identify as a Buddhist. I'm trying to read more original sutras on this extended vacation, and I'm also trying to read behind Buddhism and investigate its Hindu and mystic origins.

Maktub. I do not want to be melodramatic, but this is a season of beginnings.