Some Reflections from Spiritual Square One
Caveat: I fancied that I wasn't doing enough to cultivate the little writer within. So I blog now. And hopefully by blogging these words out I can find out a) whether I'm self consistent and b) whether my thoughts really do resonate with anybody else.
Up until this summer, I really thought I had a good steven-ontology set up. I could talk genuinely about the merits of zazen and philosophical idealism, and then some radical communism to balance out my mortal affairs. I had the whole universe sorted out, in a small collection of ideas that lived in my head. And it was a peaceful, unperturbed place to be, let me tell you.
So, if we wanted to do a history of the collapse of steven-ontology, one good place to start is Shambhala, in August 2006. Shambhala is a four day rave in the Kootenay mountains of British Columbia, and a magnet for eccentrics and the psychedelic culture. Not that finding tripping hippies around Nelson is a big surprise, but 10^4 hippies make waves.
I saw all sorts of weird spectacles at Shambhala, like a curious reenactment of the "Tea Party" scene from Alice in Wonderland.. with the hatter serving mushroom tea to awe-struck wanderers! Or my neighbour.. who in taking a side path through the forest was "ambushed by vampires". But it's not correct to say that it was the spectacles that changed me.
One way to put it, is perhaps that as a product of circumstances, I lost sense of self. For a few seconds, this is satori, and that's no big leap. But what about, when you're wandering a psychedelic playground for hours without your self returning? It's breathtaking, and terrifying. There are no words to describe the absence of it. We use the word 'selfless' so liberally in this culture. No wonder Buddhists are so obsessed with extinguishment, and death.
So I'm trying to ground myself again, so I can later find a more methodical, peaceful way back to that strange prespice. I'm a vegan now, and ethical and environmental reasons aside, I think my favourite reason for being vegan is that I can be guiltlessly passionate about food again. I get excited about chickpeas and lentils and touching and feeling this raw, bulk food I turn into nourishment. But there is a lingering trace of the awe of those nights. I wake up in the morning, and I'm genuinely surprised each time to see that the world put itself back together again.
Up until this summer, I really thought I had a good steven-ontology set up. I could talk genuinely about the merits of zazen and philosophical idealism, and then some radical communism to balance out my mortal affairs. I had the whole universe sorted out, in a small collection of ideas that lived in my head. And it was a peaceful, unperturbed place to be, let me tell you.
So, if we wanted to do a history of the collapse of steven-ontology, one good place to start is Shambhala, in August 2006. Shambhala is a four day rave in the Kootenay mountains of British Columbia, and a magnet for eccentrics and the psychedelic culture. Not that finding tripping hippies around Nelson is a big surprise, but 10^4 hippies make waves.
I saw all sorts of weird spectacles at Shambhala, like a curious reenactment of the "Tea Party" scene from Alice in Wonderland.. with the hatter serving mushroom tea to awe-struck wanderers! Or my neighbour.. who in taking a side path through the forest was "ambushed by vampires". But it's not correct to say that it was the spectacles that changed me.
One way to put it, is perhaps that as a product of circumstances, I lost sense of self. For a few seconds, this is satori, and that's no big leap. But what about, when you're wandering a psychedelic playground for hours without your self returning? It's breathtaking, and terrifying. There are no words to describe the absence of it. We use the word 'selfless' so liberally in this culture. No wonder Buddhists are so obsessed with extinguishment, and death.
So I'm trying to ground myself again, so I can later find a more methodical, peaceful way back to that strange prespice. I'm a vegan now, and ethical and environmental reasons aside, I think my favourite reason for being vegan is that I can be guiltlessly passionate about food again. I get excited about chickpeas and lentils and touching and feeling this raw, bulk food I turn into nourishment. But there is a lingering trace of the awe of those nights. I wake up in the morning, and I'm genuinely surprised each time to see that the world put itself back together again.
posted by Steve C at 6:45 AM
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